I still sometimes feel like I’m living in a bad nightmare that I can’t wake myself up from. I’ve learned so much from this though. Always trust your gut and go to the doctor for normal check ups. You never know what can be lurking around. Also, never underestimate life or take it for granted, anything could happen at anytime. He was a healthy 24 year old when he was diagnosed. I’ve also learned how strong I can be. On that night in November of 2018, I didn’t think I could be able to take it. We’ve come so far since that day, and we still have a bit of a trip to go. I was living with a family for at least 5 yrs. I had my own room and bathroom.
My ex from a fourteen year relationship occasionally worked odd hours, I’d call him at work to ask what he wanted for dinner and to cheer him up a bit. Then, over the course of three months, there would be ad hoc times when I’d call his desk phone but get no answer so I’d call his mobile, initially thinking he had probably finished earlier than anticipated and was on his way home (and to check that he wasn’t keeping me hanging while he went off to the pub without telling me).
So I’d call his mobile and ask ‘where are you?’. A few times he would indeed ‘be on his way home’ – yet things were off. I’d never told him that I could often tell when he was lying, he had a certain smugness about him when he did it, sometimes he would even have a particular smirk that he would do when he thought I wasn’t looking (and I can ‘hear’ someone’s facial expression when they are on the phone – probably due to many work hours and long distance boyfriends in the past). He would claim that he had just left the office yet there would be dead silence in the background, none of the usual urban sound of cars going by or his footsteps on the pavement etc.
Or he would be ‘walking to the train station’ but I could here someone in court shoes clearly keeping step beside him for the duration of the call. I began to chat even longer just so I could listen to what was going on around him. I didn’t let on and he grew ever bolder. He started telling me that he was still at his desk. Lol. He worked in an open plan cavernous office yet he was clearly in a small enclosed area when he answered the phone – even in silence the two sound distinctly different. Sometimes he even answered the phone and chatted to me whilst lying on his back.
I did eventually confront him (there were plenty of other clues too) and I used the fact that I had previously called his desk phone immediately before reaching him on the mobile for the last three months as one of the reasons I believed he was having an affair at work. What I didn’t tell him was the fact that I could also read the background noise so I knew he wasn’t where he claimed to be. Two weeks later he called from work one night to say that he had missed out on getting a pizza delivered to work for dinner (something he never did) and the pizza delivery guy had given up trying to call on his desk phone to get the front door opened – but the phone never rang.
I always paid my rent on time and never gave them any trouble I also watched the kids and picked them up from school sometimes. I had left town to go to a family meeting. When I came back I told her I would be moving out in 3 months to go live up north with my son. I proceeded to pick my stuff and live among the boxes in my room. Finally the day comes and I have guys load my stuff up and I pack my car. She snaps at me how dare I leave. She needed me to watch her kids. Everything was my fault. She quit talking to me which is fine I still talk to the rest of the family but how selfish can you get .