On the Darth vader the nose face shirt besides I will buy this one hand, not everyone who cheats, lies, or behaves cruelly is a narcissist. Just like not everyone who drinks is an alcoholic, not everyone with cancer is dying, and not everyone who is socially awkward has asperger’s. If their father is a jerk with narcissistic tendencies, or just a flawed person you resent, then telling your children he’s a narcissist is morally wrong, selfish, and abusive. On the other hand, if you’ve done tons of research, reading, counseling, soul-searching, and memory re-processing, and you’ve finally faced the horrible truth, then you owe it to your kids to give them the tools they need to cope. To let them “figure it out” is self-serving. It leaves you free from any fallout but sacrifices them to their father’s ongoing manipulation and abuse. It took me 17 years of a slow-torture marriage, a passing comment from my neighbor (“he sounds like a narcissist”), and another 2 years of research and counseling, to come to the truth about my ex. The cognitive dissonance was surreal. I felt like I was literally going crazy because I had to piece together an entirely new reality for myself. Was your journey similar to mine? Did you take the blame for the narcissist’s wrongs, suffer through years of gaslighting, and lose your self-worth completely? Did it take years to find joy in life again? Imagine what a child would have to do to come to the truth on her own, especially after she’s been programmed by the narcissist since birth. Then imagine what kind of mental mutations she would have to undergo in order to cope with her new reality. Think what you would have done differently if you had known about his disorder – and how to deal with it – from the start? How immensely would that have changed your life? And why would you not give that gift of truth and the freedom that goes with it to your children? Because books, friends, and family say it’s wrong? How much do they really understand the nightmare your children now face? Besides, the truth doesn’t necessitate bashing their father. You don’t have to be mean or offer up all the sordid details. Just let them know that he has a kind of brain sickness that makes him behave badly. Sometimes your dad blames people for things they haven’t done or tells you things that didn’t happen. If he does this to you, it’s because his brain confuses what’s true and what’s not.
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