I thought everything was good. Anyways we decided we would have his truck fixed so he could leave for good, two days later I’m in the hospital having surgery that required 6 weeks recovery. He stayed because of this and we decided or he decided to try again (Don’t) we spent another 4 years together me trying harder than before to only find out the latter four years he spent cheating on me. While he was at work I took my children to my mom, went and got my own place, waited for him to walk in the door and asked him how long, he lied I left. It hurt & I cried for a long time I started taking care of me and my kids and I asked him one more time to be honest (he wanted me back).
In my experience, yes. But not because they love you. You shouldn’t take it as a compliment, either. Imagine the sense of grandiosity- they hurt you badly and still expect you to jump when they call. They still view you as property. They never think about what they have done. When I was 11 years old, my mother took my brother and I back to France to visit her family. Her marriage was troubled and I did not realize that my stepfather had sent us there with the intention of leaving us there. His first wife was German. Apparently, when he decided the relationship was over he sent her back to Germany for a family visit. During that time he was able to secure a divorce, and mailed her a one dollar bill. She never returned for her belongings which my mother inherited when she married him.
As a child, I did not understand the complexities of relationships. Despite being unhappy with our home life, my mother pleaded with him to return. I think a lot of it had to do with fear. Divorce was stigmatized in the day and my having been born out of wedlock, my mother already had brought shame to her family. After spending three months in France, we finally returned to the United States. My stepfather was there to greet us and I remember him amorously kissing my mother at the airport and providing her with a gift of animal print panties. I can’t even begin to imagine what was going through her mind. Unbeknownst to me he had an insatiable sexual appetite that my mother had been unable to satisfy. As children, my brother and I believed that all would be finally well.
After the divorce my mother had to get a job leaving us alone at home for several hours at a time. I remember going through her dresser drawer one time snooping in her papers. It was there I came across the correspondence they had while we were in France. In those letters my stepfather detailed specific disciplinary actions he felt I required in order to become a productive adult. He indicated he loved me as though I was his own and was looking out for my best interests. This was the first I had heard that he was not my birth father. Additional snooping provided a birth certificate dated two years after my birth with his name listed as the father. I also found adoption paperwork.
My stepfather was a cruel and sadistic man. The fact that opportunities for women were so minimal in those days forced my mother to agree to a life that was not healthy for any of us. My brother and I bore emotional and mental scars that have haunted our lives. My mother’s final relief from those years was that she developed dementia and was able to put those miserable years aside when she eventually forgot about them as her memories declined. She became childlike and fun. Her joy of life and laughter was something my brother and I had never experienced when we were growing up.
I told him he had to be honest, the truth was I would not take him back because I didn’t even know who he really was or if it was all a lie, I just wanted to know I wasn’t crazy. I found out he actually began cheating on me when I was pregnant which was a year before he left the first time. I have shown a model where we define spending as the transfer of ownership of money for a purpose, and make the idea of what we consider to be a purpose for spending general enough to allow us to include all transfers of ownership of money as qualifying to be considered spending. Using this definition, I show a way to derive the savings equals investment identity.