I went to the smallest high school in Seattle, We graduated 265 students, in the north end Roosevelt graduated over 2000. Our graduation was equally small. To get to the interesting part, half the band didn’t show up. I don’t remember why they didn’t make it but what was left sounded awful. The PA system squawked and cut out, which was okay because the Principal was known to ramble on unscripted.
Walking away will work every time. The narc script says that the narc controls you, and if you walk away it shows he or she does not- cue shock. What does not work- “standing up” to a narc, by which I mean calling the narc on his behaviour , objecting, making a fuss. That is attention- negative attention, but any attention will do for the narc, and you have just shown the narc how to upset you- so he will do it over and over. Narcs don’t change, or improve, or ever start to treat you better. Getting away is the only thing that works.
I know that is difficult- it means giving up on your dream of a relationship with this narc, and at the beginning it was all so perfect. But that is all it was, a dream, and the narc simply conned you into loving him. He never loved you back, and never will, so escape is , sadly, your only option. And that will shock him to his core. It will not change him, not one iota- he will treat his next supply exactly as he treats you. But you will be gone, and happy, and will not care. There is no shock treatment that will work to improve your narc, unfortunately.
Please learn about the disorder so you can see why I say this, and why your escape is the only option if you want a happy life. Since every narc is the same, one book will do it. I always recommend Prepare to be Tortured (the price you will pay for dating a narcissist) . AB Jamieson, on Amazon. It is a good general guide and will tell you all you need to know, and it covers narcs as friends and colleagues and relatives, which is useful – there are a lot about. It is also good on the red flags, so you can spot narcs in future and stay well away.
I live in a rural area, so when I say my neighbor, it’s not like he’s right next door. This person lives around 300 feet away, with woods in between us. One day we were walking by, and he was outside, talking on the phone to someone with whom he was obviously very upset. He was talking quite loudly, and he said, “Don’t think I won’t do it. I’ve killed before and I will kill again.” I thought he was just blowing steam, but then the neighbor on the other side of him, who had also heard him, decided to Google him, and sure enough, the man had been in prison for several years for murder. The neighbor who found out said to me, “Maybe I should’ve done some deeper research before I moved here.”
He was well into his reflections on youth and us in particular when his secretary seated behind and to his right yawned and tipped her folding chair back. Sadly her chair legs gave way under her girth and slipped off the back edge of the raised stage taking her along. She had pretty darned good loft, her feet seemed to hang in mid air for minutes. She crashed to the floor behind the stage, No one on stage seemed to notice. There was a huge gasp and we stood up and pointed. Someone called an ambulance and through it all the Principal kept talking.