however once he ran out of money( cancer treatments and such, plus other responsibilities) this was deliberate you see part of mother’s plan to make sure no one could follow her when she inevitably made her big break to run away from all her problem. Her and I had the pleasant experience of paying $50 to see a psychic where she wanted to know if her grand scheme would come to fruition , this was for some party her friend was hosting and I think Mom just wanted an excuse to feed her Messiah complex, or her narcissism or both I’m not sure which.
The relationship I had with this man, “Chris,” was tumultuous. I was in my early twenties and stupid for sticking around with him. He had a temper, and I had low self-esteem. He would start fights over stupid things, like the time he wanted mashed potatoes for dinner. He liked potato flakes, I like mashed potatoes from fresh potatoes. I was willing to prepare both for our meal that evening, but the fact that I wouldn’t eat potato flakes set him off.
This time his need for a fight escalated to beyond insanity. He kept pushing me to my emotional and psychological limits. I could feel I was close to “breaking,” which scared me because I didn’t know what it would be like to lose control of myself. I knew it wouldn’t make the situation better at all. I don’t remember what happened to escalate it to the point that I felt like my grasp on my self-control was slipping, but I remember the “oh sh-“ feeling.
I used to smoke cigarettes back then. We were outside and he was yelling at me, getting in my face in a threatening manner. I was smoking a cigarette when that realization dawned on me that I was losing control. I took my cigarette and burned myself, so I could get the calming effects of the release of endorphins. He stormed up to me and hit me so hard across the face, my glasses flew off my face and landed in the grass, misshapen.
Somehow, I managed to get my hands on a phone and I called his mother and his best friend’s wife, both of whom came over immediately. (Yes, I should have called the cops. I didn’t want the further instability that involving the law would present.) After they arrived, they noticed the smell of gas and I became very emotional in my recounting of the events that recently transpired. After they helped make sure things were defused and safe, they left.
ill make other plans to get out of what she planned, i won’t tell her what I’m up to…It only gets to this point if she continues her insults towards me. It hurts me at first. Don’t get me wrong. I get hurt and feel remorse when I’m forced to be mean. I don’t want to be mean. But sometimes you have to defend yourself. I’m not a human dart board. If the insults stop, then all is good in the world. Water under the bridge. But I’ll approach something/someone with cautious optimism.