My now deceased brother had a child with a woman whom he thought he’d marry. Unfortunately, this young woman didn’t want to be with my brother. She stayed with my brother until their daughter was 3 months of age. Without notice, she left that day with the child to be with another man. My brother was heart broken by both her and his daughter having left. He became ineffective in Life because of his grief for awhile. Fast forward many months to his searches for them and his inability to function properly except for working. His personal life was a mess as was he. This is when the mother of his daughter contacted him, saying that she was getting married to this man that she’d run off with (NO explanation whatsoever) and wanted my brother to sign papers, giving the new husband to be, the right to adopt my niece/brother’s daughter as they’d planned on having more children in the future and wanted the kids to all have the same last name. This notice came from a different country by the way. He left the situation wide open until his daughter reached the age of being an adult. (18 years of age or better) and he tried to track her down. Unfortunately, he was in the process of trying to explain to his daughter why he’d done what he’d done WITHOUT putting down her mother in any way. Sadly, that wasn’t accepted by the daughter and my brother passed away suddenly through an accident at work.
In other words, his reasoning for letting her go was so that she’d have a wonderful life. He was darned if he did and darned if he didn’t do what he’d done. Had he NOT allowed her to be adopted by the mother’s boyfriend, his daughter would have blamed him for not giving her an equal chance at a decent life with her family. Since he did sign the papers, my niece (whom I haven’t seen since just before the leaving part), she was angry at him for doing it. How do you answer this question? Hmmmm. There are many single women (and men) who have children and have raised them to be successful members of society as well as kind and caring people. At the same time there are many married couples who have had kids and have screwed them up beyond repair. Being single or married is not the criteria for parenthood. Becoming a parent should be based on so much more than whether or not a person is single or married. Becoming a parent should be based on a choice to devote your life for the next couple of decades to nurturing and developing another life. Yes 2 decades, at least. Parenting doesn’t stop when a child reaches adulthood. If you feel that the main focus of your life for the next 20 years should be the care and nurturing of a child, if you have a well developed support network who will step in when you need help, if you are prepared for a child who has a life threatening illness or injury, if you are prepared to care for a child who is autistic or otherwise special needs then you just might be a good candidate for being a parent. When deciding to have a child either through your own childbirth or adoption, there are no guarantees that the child will not have special needs or developmental difficulties that require constant intervention.